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Sneaking around and hiding in and out as I try to sneak up on the clutter in my house and tie it up and send it off the plank... down to davy jones' locker!

I'm reading
Outwitting Clutter by Bill Adler
http://www.worldcat.org/oclc/50040046&referer=one_hit

I'll keep you posted as I move out all the trash and make way for some real treasures.

Regards,
First Mate Monica

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Current Mood: determined
Current Music: Swashbuckling Sea Songs

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(from) How long (to) how I long...
Current mood: sore
Category: Music / Life

In 1983 when U2:War came out I was only 13-14, not sure I even noticed it until the summer just before my senior year of high school. A friend I had met that summer really was into U2 and when we traded cassette tapes of our favorite songs... "I will follow" and "40" were on the one I was given.

I borrowed U2 : War from the library recently just as I was turning from "40" to 41... I find this so appropriate.  I've been listening to it straight through and the lyrics are really sinking in deeply. Sometimes it is what the actual song is about that I think of ... praising God for the changes in Ireland that have happened since the songs were written. What an answer to prayer.

The rejoicing lasts but a minute when  I think about how the same lyrics dealing with fighting and war still apply to different places

Though sometimes the lyrics hit me in parts of my own life and I shed the tears of remembrance, tears that wash over me and hopefully bring with them the start of healing in yet another wound that was only lightly bandaged until its turn to be examined.

(
The album Achtung Baby also brought tears recently... with thoughts of... I had this album available to me at the time, why didn't I take the words of caution within the lyrics... what difference would it have made I do not know, but the difference it will make for the future that I can be more intentional with.  I will pay attention more to what is going on in relationships. But that's another post...let me finish this one first.)


excerpts from SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY
How long, how long must we sing this song? How long?

When will the wars end... probably not until the Prince of Peace comes, but I think those of us that know God and are part of his kingdom on earth are called to be part of the reconciliation.

Tonight we can be as one.
Wipe the tears from your eyes,
Wipe your tears away,
Wipe your bloodshot eyes.

So many nights I've cried myself to sleep... it still is happening. Waking up with bloodshot eyes and going to work pushing the tears aside to make it through another day and cry again at night. Yes, I so long for the day when the tears can be wiped from my eyes never to return again. But until then I want to learn from and grow through the suffering from life as it is...I don't want to miss a moment of it no matter how painful.

The real battle just begun.
To claim the victory Jesus won,
On a Sunday, bloody Sunday,
Sunday, bloody Sunday.

Yes, Lord even so come quickly... but oh, those that I love, that I know God loves, that are still walking away perhaps even running away... oh, my heart breaks over and over again. How much more must God ache for these his creation to recognise his voice and run to him so he can love them as the children they were designed to be.

I could go through each song and bring out more of my thoughts from this album. Though now it is nearly bed time and I think I want to stop with the hope that is contained within the last song on the album.

"40," Music: U2, Lyrics: Bono. Based on Psalm 40

I waited patiently for the Lord
He inclined and heard my cry
He brought me up out of the pit
Out of the miry clay

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
How I long to sing this song?
How I long to sing this song?
How I long... how I long... how I long...
How I long... to sing this song

He set my feet upon a rock
And made my footsteps firm
Many will see
Many will see and fear

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
How I long to sing this song?
How I long to sing this song?
How I long... how I long... how I long...
How I long... to sing this song

Currently listening :
War
By U2
Release date: 15 June, 1990

11:00 PM

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This is what I'm doing tomorrow... 

Silent Retreat - 11.03

In our busy lives, it’s so difficult to create space where God can speak to us in his still small voice. In the world of cell phones, e-mail, TiVo, teleconferencing, blackberries, and unlimited access to copious amounts of caffeine—it’s easy to relegate our relationship with God to a dark, dusty corner of our schedules.

On November 3 we will be having the first ever Highway Silent Retreat—a Saturday afternoon where you can be alone with God in nature. We will invade Presentation Center in the beautiful Santa Cruz Mountains in Los Gatos and open the afternoon for prayer, reflection, meditation, and listening. After a few hours, we will gather together to talk about our experiences and share a meal.

Silent Retreat Schedule:
12:00 noon – meet at HWMV to carpool
1:00 – arrive at Presentation Center
1:15 – singing & Prepare for silent time
1:30 – start silent time
5:00 – finish silent time; Begin time of sharing and worship.
6:00 – dinner together
7:00 – depart
7:30 – arrive back at HWMV

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Current Mood: hopeful

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The name "Morten" came up today... well, it comes up everyday since it is my son's name. But I told him there is a famous Morten who is a singer and I showed him Morten Harket from A-HA. My son is not named for him by the way, but for his father's friend who also had the name Morten and was from Norway. We both met him in person at the same time in San Francisco in 1995 and he came to visit us in Australia. He was a great friend, another musician, and also worked in the computer industry as Morten's father does. They were both great fans of the Australian band, The Church. Morten died of a heart problem just prior to our son being born and we named Morten in honor of him. When I agreed to this being our son's name I told his father that this world needs to continue to have a "Morten" in it.

Take on me -

Talking away
I don't know what I'm to say
I'll say it anyway
today's another day to find you
Shying away
I'll be coming for you love O.K.

Take on me
Take me on
I'll be gone
in a day or two

So needless to say I'm odds and ends
But that's me, stumbling away
Slowly learning that life is O.K.
Say after me
It's no better to be safe than sorry.

Take on me
Take me on
I'll be gone
in a day or two.

The things that you say
Is it live or just to play
My worries away
You're all the things I've got to remember
You shying away
I'll be coming for you anyway

Take on me
Take me on
I'll be gone
in a day or two

Ad lib to the end

My son found me crying today. It was simply because I was scratching his back and remembering how my husband used to enjoy me scratching his back. I miss being loved and needed. I'm still needed, my son does love me...but somehow it's not the same. Sometimes life seems a bit much to take on. I'm trying to take it bit by bit, but even then it's hard.

I've come to realize that I keep crowding my life with things and things to do. There is no room for another person to share life with me, even though I think that may be something I want as well. I suspect I am trying in some way to prevent myself from heartbreak again. The thought of trying and giving and still falling short of what someone wants... wondering if it is my own expectations that are too high. Maybe I'm missing out because I'm holding out, but maybe I'm holding out, because what I want is too elusive anyway. It all gets so complicated.

Life, the challenge is to endure the day to day stuff, the more complicated bits, even when your heart is breaking and even moreso after it has been broken.

And so I suffer, endure the suffering and continue with trusting God.  There is not one thing I have suffered in the past that he has not used to teach me and improve me, why should my current sufferings be anything different.


James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

I Peter 4:19 So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.

Phil 1: 6 He that began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.

Amen.

Currently listening :
Hunting High and Low
By a-ha
Release date: 25 October, 1990

10:39 PM

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For a good time... watch this on youtube! The Mom song

"The Mom" song, sung to the William Tell Overture, by Anita Renfroe.
What a mom says in 24 hours, condensed into 2 minutes and 55 seconds! Hilarious and talented!
Lyrics for "The Mom Song" is given below. (Thank you BelleFlower15!)

"The Mom Song"

Get up now
Get up now
Get up out of bed
Wash your face
Brush your teeth
Comb your sleepyhead
Here's your clothes and your shoes
Hear the words I said
Get up now! Get up and make your bed
Are you hot? Are you cold?
Are you wearing that?
Where's your books and your lunch and your homework at?
Grab your coat and gloves and your scarf and hat
Don't forget! You gotta feed the cat
Eat your breakfast, the experts tell us it's the most important meal of all
Take your vitamins so you will grow up one day to be big and tall
Please remember the orthodontist will be seeing you at 3 today
Don't forget your piano lesson is this afternoon so you must play
Don't shovel
Chew slowly
But hurry
The bus is here
Be careful
Come back here
Did you wash behind your ears?
Play outside, don't play rough, will you just play fair?
Be polite, make a friend, don't forget to share
Work it out, wait your turn, never take a dare
Get along! Don't make me come down there
Clean your room, fold your clothes, put your stuff away
Make your bed, do it now, do we have all day?
Were you born in a barn? Would you like some hay?
Can you even hear a word I say?
Answer the phone! Get off the phone!
Don't sit so close, turn it down, no texting at the table
No more computer time tonight!
Your iPod's my iPod if you don't listen up
Where are you going and with whom and what time do you think you're coming home?
Saying thank you, please, excuse me makes you welcome everywhere you roam
You'll appreciate my wisdom someday when you're older and you're grown
Can't wait till you have a couple little children of your own
You'll thank me for the counsel I gave you so willingly
But right now I thank you not to roll your eyes at me
Close your mouth when you chew, would appreciate
Take a bite maybe two of the stuff you hate
Use your fork, do not burp or I'll set you straight
Eat the food I put upon your plate
Get an A, get the door, don't get smart with me
Get a grip, get in here, I'll count to three
Get a job, get a life, get a PHD
Get a dose of,
"I don't care who started it!
You're grounded until you're 36"
Get your story straight and tell the truth for once, for heaven's sake
And if all your friends jumped off a cliff would you jump, too?
If I've said it once, I've said at least a thousand times before
That you're too old to act this way
It must be your father's DNA
Look at me when I am talking
Stand up straighter when you walk
A place for everything and everything must be in place
Stop crying or I'll give you something real to cry about
Oh!
Brush your teeth, wash your face, put your PJs on
Get in bed, get up here, say a prayer with mom
Don't forget, I love you
And tomorrow we will do this all again because a mom's work never ends
You don't need the reason why
Because, because, because, because
I said so, I said so, I said so, I said so
I'm the mom, the mom, the mom, the mom, the mom!!
Ta da!!!

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This forward recently hit my mail box, I'm posting it here for your enjoyment.


The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured,
regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and
central component of the heart.

This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units; code named
Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all
subsequent units.

This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal
Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily
expressed.

Some other symptoms include:

1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is
providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to
correct this SIN defect.

The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the
entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no
additional fee required.

The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R. Once
connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE
procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, JESUS,
into the heart component.

No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, JESUS will replace it
with:

1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Believers' Instruction
Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of the fixes.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction
voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and
problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being
permanently impounded.

For free emergency service, call on JESUS.

DANGER: The human being units not responding to the recall action will
have to be scrapped in the furnace.

The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent
contamination of that facility.

Thank you for your attention!

GOD

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October 3, 2007 - Wednesday

Now for something completely different... the pirates who don’t do anything!
Current mood: Ah! Parenthood

We are the pirates who don't do anything, we just lay around and stay at home.

Especially when the little guy is sick. I've introduced Morten to YouTube today.
We started off with Kermit singing "Bein' Green" because we just read a book with those words in it. Then went to Lime and Coconut from The Muppet Show.

Bein' Green
Lime and Coconut

What fun!

Avast, a plan I have says I... lets look up pirate..

You are a pirate (from Lazytown tv show)
The Five A's : Talk like a Pirate Day
I'm a pirate song : Talk like a Pirate Day I just love the cabin boy... he knows most of the lines even the ones he doesn't sing! "I'm a pirate that I be..."
The Pirate Song : George Harrison
Pirates of the Caribbean Ride with Johny Depp's reactions. There is a whole sleugh of Pirates of the Caribbean

Then we went with Baby Beluga
Baby Beluga at the Shedd Aquarium, Chicago
Baby Bella turns 1 year old

Now he's watching a Baby penguin
Baby penguin at NewQuay zoo http://www.newquayzoo.org.uk
Ah, such a sweet mannerism the handler has... full of "sweethearts" etc.
 
hehehe... new song by my son (time for me to go, btw)
Get your hands off that computer, that computer, that computer
Get your hands off that computer, Time to play you...

mon

Currently listening :
Veggie Tales: Veggie Rocks!
By Veggie Tales
Release date: 09 March, 2004

6:10 PM

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October 2, 2007 - Tuesday

Hey, I'm a believer now... no longer a day dream beliver..
Current mood: awake
Category: but not sure for how much longer Music

One of my muso friend's on My Space has recorded a song recently and left a bulletin up about it. Here's the lyrics...

WANTED TO BELIEVE YOU
When you said that you loved me
I wanted to believe you
I wanted to believe you
with all my heart
and when you said we'd always be together you sold it like a melody
you brought the hook line to me
but now its just a memory
and they say don't believe every thing you hear
and only half of what you see
but I wanted to believe you
yes I wanted to believe in you
and when the lights went out in your room
the darkness was concealing you
and when the sun came up too soon your lines stopped ringing true
and though my faith wasn't built to last
it was strong enough to drag me through
you had me blinded too
I guess I thought I needed you
And I kept lying to myself thinking we could of carried on
And I hate myself having to give up now
but the fact is we don't belong
And i got to move on
And when you said you wished you never met me I almost believed you
And when you said we'd never get back together I almost believed you
And they say don't believe everything you hear and only half of what you see
but I Wanted to believe you
yeah I wanted to believe you
And I kept lying to myself thinking we could of carried on
And I hate myself having to give up now
but the fact is we don't belong
And i've got to move on
I wanted to believe you
So bad
I wanted to believe you
copywrite2007 HAVARD,DROGE

http://www.myspace.com/blakehavardmusic

He's Canadian... makes me want to quote Southpark movie. "Australians, Canadians, what's the difference?"  Of course in this case it is truly a complement because I quite enjoy music from both Canadians and Australians.

Keep up the good work Blake.

If you know me by now, you'll realise I cannot read a set of lyrics or hear a song without connecting to it on some level. Sorry to put the pressure on all you song writers out there... but don't worry I won't go doing anything stupid because your song seems to suggest something to me! This one really made me think of the last few years of trying to sort through what had been the truth from 1991-current. I may never know what of those years of my marriage was true and what was me just wanting to believe. Of course the Subject line refers to how much of a Monkey I feel I had become..."I once thought of you as a white knight on a steed..."



But now, I'm learning more day by day about what I really need, and there is no person who can provide it... it's a matter of trust. Trusting God to provide for me, and then being able to share what he provides with others around me. It hasn't been an easy lesson... but I'll keep going back until it totally sinks into this head and  then seeps out every inch of my being.

mon

Currently reading :
The Crocodile Hunter: The Incredible Life and Adventures of Steve and Terri Irwin
By Steve Irwin
Release date: 05 November, 2002

10:45 PM

Current Mood: what a difference a min makes

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It's hard to decide whether to put things here or not. It would be easier to put new posts in both places then to put old posts here and have to revisit the pain I had when I wrote them. But I'd be doing the same thing if someone actually read them and commented on them directly to the other place. Probably going to be adding them in reverse order. Like the fact I can adjust the date to reflect the actual day they were written.

Okay here goes...

September 23, 2007 - Sunday

Ain’t no sunshine...
Current mood: sad
Category: Life

Ain't no sunshine when he's gone.
It's not warm when he's away.
Ain't no sunshine when he's gone
And He's always gone too long
Any time he goes away

Ain't no sunshine when he's gone
Wonder if he's gone to stay
Ain't no sunshine when he's gone
And this house just ain't no home
Anytime he goes away

I know
He's not gone to stay
Though it's breakin' me up
Anytime he goes away
Gotta leave the young thing alone
There ain't no sunshine when he's gone


...No, not pining for some lover who has left me... besides I'm done pining for that lover.

Yes, I'm on a low sodium diet tonight, followed by a large cup of mama blues

Which basically means my son is at his other house tonight...as he usually is this day of the week. I don't think I'll ever get used to this. Though I know it could be worse...

So, instead of continuing to miss him so mournfully, I'll remember his voice singing along with the cd...

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine
You make me happy
when skies are gray
You'll never know dear
How much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away.


I'm guessing all this talk of forgiveness has dredged up the particular thing that hits me hardest about this whole situation. Having to make the choice to be away from my family.. which now consists only of my son. Though in away it has also been a choice to be away from my family (who live in another state) so that my son can also have his father as part of his family.

So, I guess it is throw a couple of extra blankets on the bed.
Maybe find a book, a video or some music to fill my head.
Forgive again the father of my son
Be glad he at least has a dad
and deeply know what it is like to be sad.

{the rhyming words above were not actually intended...just kind of fell out of my head that way.}

Wow... never seen Sting with a mustache before
Sting - Ain't no Sunshine
 YouTube - Sting - Ain't no Sunshine

Oh and another version with photos of Bill Withers the songwriter
YouTube - Ain't no Sunshine

But this song also reminds me of someone else... someone also going through a rough patch. So, if it also fits feelings you may be having... I'll be sad for you, you be sad for me. Sadness should be shared to make the burden half or lighter. Then we both can get through it.

As another famous song by Bill Withers has in it's lyrics...

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain

We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Lean on me...


Currently listening :
Lean on Me-Best of Bill Withers
By Bill Withers
Release date: 30 May, 2000

10:50 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

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September 22, 2007 - Saturday

I can’t break away
Current mood: sympathetic
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

All my life I wanted to fly,
Like the birds that you see way up in the sky;
Making circles in the morning sun,
Flying high in the sky 'til the day is done.
I can't break away.

Like a child in his fantasy,
Punching holes in the walls of reality;
All my life I wanted to fly,
But I don't have the wings, and I wonder why,
I can't break away.

I can't break away.

Whoa, well Mama told me when I was young,
Stand tall, girl, you're number one.
She said, you can be what you wanna be,
But you can't change the course of your destiny.
I can't break away.
(  Ah-min-ah, do-ki-do, ah-mah-neh-la.)
No, no, no, no, no, I can't break away.

Yeah, I said, I said, woo hoo,
One is one and two is two.
You want me and I have you.
Black is black and white is white,
Just come out in the middle 'tween day and night.
I can't break away.
( Ah-min-ah, do-ki-do, ah-mah-neh-la.)
No, no, no, no, no, I can't break away.
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah-hey-hey!

Well, Mama told me when I was young,
Stand tall, girl, you're number one.
She said, you can be what you wanna be,
But you can't change the course of your destiny.
I can't break away.
No, no, no, no, no, I can't break away.
Well, I can't, I can't, I can't break away.
No, no, no, no, no, I can't break away.
Woo ooh hoo hoo hoo, I can't break away.
reak away.

Here I am revisiting the flying issue again... (see past blog posts)
Had to put the whole song here, been singing it since I typed the subject. You may or may not know that all my blog subjects are lyrics from a song or sometimes multiple songs. Music is very symbolic to me, though sometimes perhaps too much so (see last blog's mention of memories).

Right now I'm feeling very drawn to my destiny. The books I read, the conversations I've been having with friends and sometimes complete strangers, music I happen to hear on the radio, radio programs on when I wake up in the morning. 

Lately it's been the story of Joseph (Genesis 37:1 -50:26)... or Little Joe as Veggie-tales calls his character in their Bonanza verision.  You may know him as the dreamer ...Any dream will do... in "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat". Chuck Swindoll on his "Insights for Living" has I think just finished the Series: Joseph: A Man of Integrity and Forgiveness. I heard most of the days, as it is on the station my alarm is set to in the morning.

It's a whirlwind story for Joseph. Taking him from his favored son position, to despised brother, sold off into slavery, falsely accused, wrongly imprisoned, abandoned by a friend whom he had given a great gift to, tried, tested, a life full of pain. But it doesn't stop there... just like when we have pain in our lives (and we ALL have pain in our lives)... if we live beyond it, there is something more to us afterward.  I'll let you to find out the end of his story for yourself if you don't already know it.

Surprise, surprise he was mentioned again tonight, in one of the last few chapters of the book I have been reading (p. 168-178)

When forgiveness doesn't make sense / Robert Jeffress. Colorado Springs, CO : Waterbrook Press, 2000.

I had another book about forgiveness I was reading, but for some reason I switched to this one. Now that I'm finished I'll head back to the other one... when I can find it. I'm going to probably wait until later this morning after I wake up though.

Although, I probably would have never chosen the path I am on in life now for myself, I'm glad I am on it... the journey will probably continue to have good and painful times, this is life we are talking about after all. My goal is to live and learn through each part of the way, planning my actions intentionally instead of just "reacting", and hopefully, lending a hand to others where I can along the way.

Reminds me of another song in fact... but that's a different blog.

1:53 AM

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